Y’all…..this week holds one of my favorite days of the year. It’s right up there with Christmas and my birthday, I mean it may not be my number one favorite day….but it’s definitely top 5. It’s BACK TO SCHOOL!!
My Facebook is flooded with the obligatory back to school pictures. The kids look perfect, every hair in place, the sun glistening through the tree behind them. You can almost hear the birds singing in the background. Here’s mine:
However, what we don’t often see is the background. We don’t see the 5 pictures taken before this that have silly faces or closed eyes or hair out of place or children fighting. We don’t often share the imperfect parts of our lives because it makes others uncomfortable. Heck, it makes me uncomfortable. I’m not one to get into my feelings and things. I’m not the girl that cries in movies, I’m the girl laughing at my husband who is crying during the movie. He really does, it’s hilarious and adorable. 🤣 Like everyone else….I have those moments in my life and like everyone else, I don’t often share them. However, some of them just lend themselves well to being shared, so here you go:
This was captured right when the moment struck. They look so happy and playful because they were! What it doesn’t show is the thirty seconds after that, when Bradley pinched Peyton and then they started fighting. It doesn’t show me yelling at them to stop. It doesn’t show their foul faces when they left the house. It doesn’t show you the whole picture.
It doesn’t show me, dressed in pajamas that I’ve owned for 15 years. The t-shirt slightly worn around the collar, the small whole in the bottom where I caught it on a counter drawer, the pants are worn out sweatshirt material, stretched out from years of lounging. It doesn’t show the mom-bun that’s still up from yesterday or the day old leg hair that’s starting to grow because I was too lazy to shave them. It doesn’t show the whole picture.
Ok let’s be honest, the real thing that’s missing from our picture is what back to school means to MOMS!! (or stay at home dads, or grandparents, or stay at home….whatever gender you identify as). The real grown ups that stand behind the little people we so graciously send off to school this week! What does this day look like for you?? It’s different for all of us obviously. Some of us have more availability but we all share those same feelings. You know the ones, the sadness you feel as you watch them grow older each year, the guilt you feel for not spending enough time with them…..oh hell, who am I kidding?? The real feelings we want to discuss are the ones of delight!! The ones of freedom, like you can breathe a little easier today, the feeling of relaxation when you realize the house is totally silent. Those are the REAL feelings we want to talk about friends!
Now, I know what you’re thinking 🤔….. “Mallory, you can’t just say things like that.” Or perhaps you’re on the team that says , “Mallory, I can’t believe you don’t miss your kids when they are gone?! You MONSTER!” Or maybe you’re more of the type that says, “OMG, did you see what Mallory said about her kids?! She doesn’t even like them.” That’s right, I see all you Karen’s. And let me just say, I HEAR YOU! Seriously, I get it. You love your kids with everything you have. You would take a bullet for your babies. You love them so much that they are all you think about!
I get all of those feelings because I have them too. Don’t worry, I’m totally normal, Karen. I love my babies more than anything. I would take a bullet for them, I do miss them when they are away from me…..for longer than 24 hours. There….I said it. For the first 23.99 hours, being away from my kids feels like freedom. As long as I know they are safe, healthy, and taken care of…..I can relax. I cried the first day of preschool, I cried the first day of kindergarten, and I’m sure I will cry the first day of senior year. But for now, we are stuck in the middle. The middle of life. Middle aged, with kids in middle school, just hanging out here in the middle.
I was a middle child, not the coveted “oldest” or the precious “baby”….but the middle. The black sheep. I hated being in the middle. Put me on an airplane full of people, I will inevitability end up in the middle seat. *see the next blog for a bonus story about the middle seat* I am used to spending life in the middle and usually I hate it. But not right now, the middle is amazing.
The middle is a place where I feel like life finally gets easier. You’re no longer in your twenties learning those valuable lessons the hard way. You’re more mature and able to face things from a more rational perspective. The middle for my kids means they are mostly self sufficient. They are capable of staying alone for short periods of time and not burn the house down. They are more fun to take on vacations, because they are finally old enough to enjoy it. I’m learning that the middle is actually a beautiful thing. Being in the middle is my favorite part of life so far.
Mostly because being in the middle also means that I can do things like drink wine on a Tuesday because I feel like it. Or use my vacation day to get a manicure and pedicure instead of cleaning my house, because…..why not? Being in the middle means I care less about what others think and more about what makes me happy. It also means that I can be honest about my feelings and say that I am so glad my kids are back in school! I have all the praise for our teachers, y’all deserve a raise. Thank you for taking our kids back….because as much as we love them….we are tired. As much as we love them, we need a break. Now excuse me, friends. I’ve got a glass of wine to poor. 😎✌️
The Mommy Chronicles 